So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
