If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
then he tried to convert me to islam
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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