sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
