You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
