There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
