Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
