His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
