Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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