Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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