he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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