I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
