PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
