Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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