I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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