yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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