My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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