My liver just broke up with me...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
