Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
