Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
