Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
