A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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