I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
