do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
