Your favorite bartender is back from prision
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
