I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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