Are we in a gay sports bar?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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