My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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