I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She said her name was "party"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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