God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
