cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
