I am spending my child support on dildos
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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