Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
