My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
