Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
