good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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