I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
