just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
