Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
