shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
