Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
