ADVERTISEMENT

• (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Fav 278 5204 70029

  share tweet
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out

  Fav 19 4566 1042

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (831): View more from California

  i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.

  Fav 25 1532 4213

  share tweet
  

• (480): View more from Arizona

  My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Do I even want to know?

  Fav 28 4922 2105

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness

  Fav 32 2384 5081

  share tweet
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics

  Fav 7 3476 2003

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be

  Fav 10 5540 2069

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background

  Fav 10 2543 1034

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer

  Fav 3 1445 770

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?

  Fav 7 1378 860

  share tweet
  

• (740): View more from Ohio

  I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore

  Fav 11 909 478

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (813): View more from Florida

  coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.

  Fav 1 630 408

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.

  Fav 2 315 174

  share tweet
  

• (347): View more from New York

  Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer

  Fav 0 21 28

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.

  Fav 0 59 34

  share tweet
  

Randomize