He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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