im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
