u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
