So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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