Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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