My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
