After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
