This house was built for laser tag.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
