her vagine was all disorganized.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
