I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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