He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
