the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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