I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
