I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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