I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
