Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
