I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
