Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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