mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
