I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
