Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
