Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
