Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
