Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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