Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
