He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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