ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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