I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize