she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
