Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
