I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's never too late to be topless.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
