seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
