i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
