Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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