i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well you can't waste a boner
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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