OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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