Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
