remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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