If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
