Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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