hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
