I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
